Why Are Adventist Churches So Bad at Love?

Written By Pastor Marcos

The Seventh-day Adventist Church consistently ranks lowest in “Loving Relationships” on the NCD (Natural Church Development) survey.

Not lower than average. Not slightly underwhelming.

Lowest. Every time.

Now that may not be true of every country, or every local church. But at least in the west, the common thread is this: We’re not good at love.

We might be great at preaching. Great at doctrine. Great at prophecy charts. Great at lifestyle principles. Great at staying busy with “the work.”

But love?

Authentic, humble, honest, connected, vulnerable, caring love?

We are, statistically speaking, one of the worst.

And no, this isn’t an isolated incident. It’s not one or two toxic churches dragging down the average. It’s endemic. It’s metastasized. It’s the culture.

So why?

There are a hundred variables at play. We could talk about theology, institutional trauma, colonial history, perfectionism, shame, legalism, you name it. And all of those conversations matter.

But I want to zoom in on just one variable that’s become clear to me since transitioning out of paid pastoral ministry into independent, tentmaking ministry.

See, in order to support my family, I started my own business. I work with other businesses (startups, coaches, entrepreneurs) and I help them build their marketing ecosystems. I help them craft their message, develop their sales pipeline, and attract the right people into their world.

And here’s one of the foundational truths of that work:

If you want to grow something, you have to attract the right kind of people. And in order to do that, you need to position yourself with clarity.

Let me explain.

Imagine you’re an eco-friendly business. You care deeply about the environment. You want to work with customers who share that value. But when people look at your ads, they don’t see that. You’ve got zero mention of sustainability. You use generic branding. Nothing about your messaging signals your values.

Then you come to me and say, “I don’t get it. I keep getting customers who don’t care about the environment. I don’t enjoy working with them, but they just keep showing up.”

My answer?

You’re not positioning yourself clearly.

Your brand identity is fuzzy. You might believe in sustainability, but if your messaging doesn’t reflect that, the wrong people will walk through the door.

You attract what you broadcast.

So let’s bring that back to Adventism.

Why are we so bad at love?

Because we haven’t positioned ourselves as a movement centered on love.

Think about our flyers. Our evangelistic campaigns. Our billboards. Our YouTube ads. Our sermon graphics.

We’ve built a brand identity on fear.

On the end of the world.

On scary beasts, corrupt systems, nuclear bombs, and apocalyptic headlines.

And listen... I get it. Revelation is in the Bible for a reason. It matters. It has a message of liberation for the oppressed and a confrontation with the empire. I’m not saying we should throw that out.

But when we market our church through that lens—through fear, threat, conspiracy, and doom—we are positioning ourselves in a certain way.

And that positioning attracts a certain kind of person.

I’ll never forget the first evangelistic series I ran in Georgia. It was the typical “End of the World” campaign, filled with beasts, blood moons, and Babylon. We passed out hundreds of flyers. And on opening night, the church was packed.

But the people who came?

Mostly conspiracy theorists from the backwoods. They filled out the visitor cards with fake names and fake numbers.

Still, I got up and preached my heart out. I centered Jesus. Made it all about Him. I wanted them to see that Revelation isn’t about fear, it’s about Jesus: a Lamb on the throne, not just dragons in the sea.

Next night?

None of them came back.

Why?

Because they weren’t there for Jesus. They weren’t hungry for a healing community. They weren’t yearning for transformation or relationship.

They were there for the spectacle. For the drama. For the fire and brimstone.

And when churches baptize people like that—people who have no interest in love, vulnerability, community, or discipleship—we shouldn’t be surprised when we end up with churches full of suspicion, control, fear, and toxicity.

We’ve built a brand identity that attracts people drawn to fights, not family. Compliance, not compassion. Control, not connection.

Again, the problem isn’t Scripture. It’s how we’ve marketed it. It’s the tone. The vibe. The lens.

So where do we go from here?

We’re not going to fix the entire system overnight. The roots of this cynical, fear-based positioning run deep. Some churches are too far gone. And honestly, we’re not going to undo that in our lifetime.

But that doesn’t mean we’re stuck.

We can plant new churches. We can rebrand the local. We can create new cultures—new pockets of relational, healthy Adventism that live out a different story.

So here are three practical steps every local SDA church can start this next month:

  1. Change your positioning from fear-based to relational. Let your sermons, social media, events, signage, and language reflect a Jesus who draws near in love... not just a God who’s coming to judge.

  2. Market yourself to your community in ways that attract people who care about love, belonging, and connection. Stop trying to bait people with beasts and warnings. Instead, connect through authentic service that meets needs and builds relational trust.

  3. Build a discipleship pathway that empowers relational people to lead with love. Don’t just welcome new belivers... equip them. Help them build the kind of community they’re looking for. Let their relational wiring be the engine that grows the church.

If we do this, everything changes.

Not overnight. Not everywhere. But the momentum will shift.

The soil will turn. The seedlings will sprout. And soon, there will be communities of love, rising like little outposts of heaven, scattered across the world.

It starts with how we position ourselves. Who we choose to attract. What we choose to embody.

Let’s stop being known for fear. Let’s be known for love.

Is your local Adventist church stuck doing the same stuff that hasn’t worked in over 50 years?

If you answered yes, I made each of these resources for you:

Pastor Marcos https://www.thestorychurchproject.com
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